The sound of the executioner’s rifles sent a divisive bullet through our nation’s collective conscience. After the smoke had cleared, the heart of public opinion had been split into two halves of throbbing fuckery. On one side was the brutal joy of bloodthirsty bogans who were happy to see the world rid of “drug importing scum”. On the other side, was the slacktivist army that believes a hashtag is mightier than the sword. #boycottbali passively wafted like this Autumn’s hottest fragrance and like all scents, it will eventually yield to the foul body odour of complacency.

Alison’s sense of morality hinges very much on the trending power of its respective hashtag. She is so furious that Indonesia carries out executions that she forgot all about her totes awesome-sauce Contiki tour through America’s south and her 6-day shopping bonanza in chewing gumless Singapore. She sips on her Gloria Jean frappuccino while jumping head first into the #boycottbali movement, she updates her status, “civilised countries do not execute people. Please boycott this barbaric place #boycottbali”.

As of today, Alison has become somewhat of a hashtag-authority figure in the field of Indonesia’s repulsive record of human right’s abuse. She skimmed an article written by some Wikipedia-journo on News.com.au and is now #familiar with the #genocide in #westpapua. She feels that one status update isn’t quite enough to bring about change. She picks up her China-made iPhone and jumps on Instagram to upload an “I Say No To The Death Penalty” meme, and she smugly captions: “#boycottbali forever, the #bali9 are in my prayers” (they probably aren’t).

Alison goes about her day with a nagging thought that she really could be doing less for the abolition of death penalty movement. She gets her redundant fix by joining the booming Facebook page “Boycott Bali for the Boys” and ignorantly dives into a sea of misguided #slacktivists that seem to think “Bali” is a synonym for “Indonesia”. They have turned circle jerking into a game of #soggybiscuit, and while the intention is to bring people together, the end result is something far less palatable. She takes a bite of the dripping cyber-Sao and shares some of the more solemn memes.

At Uni, Alison sparks up a conversation with some scraggly bearded scrote wearing a Che Guevara shirt. In an attempt to get his #hand up her #skirt, he tells her that he actively cancelled his upcoming trip to Bali. The truth of his statement is as dubious as the guys grasp on Che’s #colourfulbackground. The pair enjoys a long and factually impaired discussion about the warm message that the #boycottbali movement is sending to the nation and how Tony Abbott is probably to blame.

In the world of limp-dicked social activism, hypocrisy will always yield to the power of the hashtag.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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