Optus has fronted the media today to angrily refute claims it was responsible for the deaths resulting from a failure to connect 000 calls recently.
The Teleco believes it is unfair for the public to shit all over them when clearly the blame should fall at the feet of the carrier pigeons that form the entirety of its emergency back-up communications system.
A source close to Optus told The Times,
“So we have 100% control over our birds do we? They are fairly reliable but sometimes they get it wrong and now a bloody honest company like Optus has to eat the shit sandwich, it’s just not right, this is a state of the art emergency back up system”
The company stresses that while the birds are technically its employees, they do not represent the company’s commitment to live saving services. Our source continued,
“The public will be relieved to know that Optus has invested hundreds in sourcing and acquiring a new team of pigeons so this kind of thing will probably never happen again, it’s called owning your mistakes and being accountable”
Some members of the public aren’t so sure however. With some asking the company if carrier pigeons were the most reliable back up system. To which Optus replied,
“Have you got a better idea?”
Suppose not.