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Sunday, November 02, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Entertainment

    Piss-test fail warning given to anyone within a kilometre radius of the Metallica pit 

    Authorities have put out an alert that it is highly likely you may fail a piss-test tomorrow if you were within a kilometre of the…

    Belle November 2, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS

    Royal Family tells loyal subjects that the most horrific punishment they could think of for Andrew was making him one of you

    The Royal Family has sent a clear message to its loyal subjects that a Royal being reduced to a filthy, shiteating member of the public…

    Belle October 31, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Local

    Boomers warned as Perth kid plans to dress as a Daylight Saving referendum for Halloween

    A young family has caused a stir today after previewing their kid’s Halloween costume on social media. To the horror of traditionally older or rural…

    Belle October 31, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Entertainment

    Metallica confirm they are only coming to Perth to get their hands on a Belmont bloke who downloaded Enter Sandman on Napster in ’99

    Metallica fans are preparing for a big night this weekend. However, the band has said the concert is only a secondary objective. Their real objective…

    Belle October 30, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Sports

    James Blunt heard loudly claiming The Ashes on the Yanchep Line 

    James Blunt is in town for a concert tonight but wasted no time getting involved in the main recreational activity of his people.  Thus, the…

    Belle October 30, 2025
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Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Local

Perth man wakes up with a vague, ominous recollection of being at Billy Lee’s early Sunday morning

Belle April 14, 2024

Perth pisswreck Damo has woken up with a memory that would rival Guy Pearce in Momento. As per usual, Damo has stuck his snout in…

View More Perth man wakes up with a vague, ominous recollection of being at Billy Lee’s early Sunday morning
Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Lifestyle

Ageing millennial accepts it’s all over after getting a bit too excited to see a bird

Belle April 12, 2024

Time comes for us all and Perth man Toby has accepted he is officially on a downward trajectory towards mortality after getting a bit too…

View More Ageing millennial accepts it’s all over after getting a bit too excited to see a bird
Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS From the Zoo

What your choice of Breakfast says about you

Belle April 11, 2024

Eggs Benny – you’re a hungover FIFO worker who is about to take a mid-brekkie break to make a Dome toilet the scene of a 25…

View More What your choice of Breakfast says about you
Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Sports

AFL to replace record with a definitive list ranking every slur

Belle April 10, 2024

The AFL has set an unusual precedent after effectively ranking the severity of slurs by reference to how may weeks you get pinged for uttering…

View More AFL to replace record with a definitive list ranking every slur
Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Lifestyle

Man didn’t purchase an appliance with a 4-star energy rating just to take the sticker off

Belle April 10, 2024

Local bigshot Adam has finally worked his way up the corporate ladder to a position that allows him to buy slightly above-average home appliances with…

View More Man didn’t purchase an appliance with a 4-star energy rating just to take the sticker off
Reckons Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS

Top Signs You Might be a Conspiracy Theorist

Belle April 9, 2024

All or nothing – Maybe you started with a bong and a copy of Zeitgeist but soon your thoughts about the legality of income tax…

View More Top Signs You Might be a Conspiracy Theorist

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TRENDING NEWS

  • Piss-test fail warning given to anyone within a kilometre radius of the Metallica pit 
  • Royal Family tells loyal subjects that the most horrific punishment they could think of for Andrew was making him one of you
  • Boomers warned as Perth kid plans to dress as a Daylight Saving referendum for Halloween
  • Metallica confirm they are only coming to Perth to get their hands on a Belmont bloke who downloaded Enter Sandman on Napster in ’99
  • James Blunt heard loudly claiming The Ashes on the Yanchep Line 
  • Little shop selling expensive American snacks & stuff mysteriously pops up in Hakea after 2026 smoking ban announced

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  • Perth Driver Accused Of Being A Witch After Failing To Slam Brakes Upon Entering Tunnel
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  • Moving down train carriage far too similar to merging for Perth to feel comfortable attempting
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