A Perth resident has reacted poorly to the news that he is not permitted to install synthetic lawn on his front yard.
He comes from a long line of artificial turf lovers and loves nothing more than vacuuming his “lawn” on a Sunday morning (before it gets hot of course, as he can’t handle another pair of shoes with melted soles).
He therefore had the genius idea to register his front yard as a commercial pizza oven and the entire block as a kitchen. He told The Times,
“I figured it out by accident actually when I dropped a frozen pizza on my previous properties fake lawn out of the piece of shit paper bag Woolies sell. Before I could even bend over to pick it up I noticed it was bubbling away! That’s some decent heat emitting from my artificial lawn”
The man went through the entire process of having his front lawn registered to cook pizzas and now finds himself in the pizza game.
We asked if he was thinking of expanding his operations given the decent amount of heat he is essentially generating for free. He told The Times,
“Yeah, I have been in touch with some of the mining giants about operating an industrial smelt. I think we can pour kilograms of bullion a day on this lawn”
Sounds promising.
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