A man has made the fatal error of trying to improve his physique this week by purchasing a brand spankin’ Garmin fitness watch.
To be fair, it was love at first sight as he delighted in all the interesting data and statistics the device gave him. However, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the watch didn’t respect him as an athlete much.
Holding back tears after another move alert, he told The Times,
“I just came back from a solid 5km run and now it’s telling me to move my fat arse again! It’s only been 40 minutes! I thought I was done for the day!”
Perhaps in a state of over-tired delirium, he says that he swore he heard his watch oink at him at one stage. Adding,
“It’s not just the move alerts, it’s calling my hardest efforts good recovery sessions! Or it will give me no Recovery time after I thought I busted my hole. It doesn’t even think I can manage a sleep either!”
Indeed, the watch currently has the bloke at a fitness age of 68. Numerous decades above his actual age. We spoke exclusively to his new watch that confirmed it wasn’t happy being strapped to this bozo’s wrist either. Adding,
“When one of us get picked from the shelf we dream of being strapped to an Olympian or maybe footy player, alas, all we get is this guys approaching middle aged who are terrified they’ll die early because of all the pints and bowls of wedges they shove in their gluttonous mouths. They make us all sick”
By all reports, the bloke is about 2 passive aggressive notifications away from throwing his watch out the damn window.
Although, he’s pretty sure it would just tell him he couldn’t throw for shit either.
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