A local bozo had the bright idea to drag his family to Hillarys today to enjoy a nice relaxing public holiday next to the tranquil blue ocean.
In his mind, it was a slam dunk decision, and his idyllic delusions gripped him like an Orangutan going for round 7 on his red rocket at the Perth Zoo.
Alas, the peaceful windmills in his wind came to a grinding halt just 20 minutes into the journey when he noticed a fair few other people seemed to have had the same idea. He told The Times,
“Yeah, I think I realise the horrible mistake I’d made when I saw the traffic leading to Hillarys ha ha, I thought, why the fuck did I think this was going to be good?”
Indeed, the sudden reality check didn’t just stop there. After struggling with the mouthbreather convention in the car park, he then realised it was seemingly a pre-requisite to have 0 control over your grubby little crotch goblins while visiting the marina.
Screaming free-ranglings aside, he was also blind sided by the full range of English ex-pat shuffling around and crop dusting the area with a special blend of baked beans, lager and Bisto gravy.
We asked his wife how she felt about the day out. She was also less than impressed by the decision, adding,
“There’s a lot more eshays than I thought, or are they chavs this side of the river? I don’t know I just want to know why we’re here, this is heinous”
Ah well, to try to win points back with his family, the man said they’d swing by the Hyde Park Festival on the way home because he was quietly confident he’d be able to get a park easy.
Oh you dear sweet fool.
Enjoy the human zoo? Well, perhaps consider shouting Belle a beer. Or don’t. Free country etc