Horrific scenes have unfolded in South Freo today after an Eastern State blow-in accidently spilled 4L of seed oil onto the streets.
At about lunch time, the man, who is staying in South Freo for a holiday, returned from Woolworths with a groceries in a paper bag.
Alas, the cheap piece of shit Woolies sells gave way and the bottle of Canola Oil fell onto the road at which point the cap cracked and chaos ensued.
Authorities said South Freo residents have special needs when it came to oils and a seed oil contamination was Defcon 1.
We spoke to a resident who admitted she left her aged mother behind in her haste to leave the suburb. Adding,
“SEED OIL? IN SOUTH FREMANTLE? DOESN’T THIS BLOW IN GET ALL THEIR NEWS FROM YOUTUBE GRIFTERS? WE ALL COULD HAVE BEEN GONERS!”
Another South Freo faux hippie claimed that she will be seeking compensation given she couldn’t possibly return to the suburb after such a contamination.
She added,
“I have reached out to Pete Evans to escalate this issue with the White House. Only RFK Jnr can help us now”
The suburb will remain closed off to the public until a local shaman has performed a cleansing drum circle of the area.
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