All eyes were on Australia today as the Under 16s social media ban came into effect.
Many experts were debating how the kids were going to fill the doomscroll void. If that manifested through skirting the ban with a VPN or actually dropping social media for more wholesome activities.
Well, we can report that after just one morning of the ban going live, the lost art of honky nut warfare resurged in a big way. A source at a local school told The Times,
“The Albanese Government has unleashed an army of honky nut throwers and after a few hours they even learned the ripe green ones were better for whistling through the air at an enemy’s noggin. They are learning quick”
So quick, in fact, that school sick bays quickly became overwhelmed with honky nut injuries. With one source telling The Times,
“We treated one kid who copped a honky with a rock inside. That’s high level honky nut knowledge. I would suggest any adult who supported this ban walk with eyes on the back of their head as they could be next”
We can report that kids are evolving so fast that they are also on the hunt for builders sand. With one 14 year old telling The Times,
“It’s my dream to lob a boondie at Bailey, he has it coming, finally I know what my grandpa always waffled on about”
Noice.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?