What do you think people say when they see an influencer post photos of Bali photoshoots and Instagram ads? They say, “yas kween, killin’ it, she’s the next Jen Hawkins, except thinner”. Learn the secrets to this success now.

Inspirational Quotes about Hustling

Only successful people post inspirational quotes, everyone knows that. Try taking the old, lame old ones and make them your own.

Make sure enough inspiration is showing out the sides of your bikini and then post ambiguously about hustling! People will automatically assume you are building your “brand”. Whatever the hell that means.

Other People’s Money

The best part about living a blessed life is that there’s always 6 degrees of separation away from someone with nice things for you to leech off.

Never, EVER give up an opportunity to pose in front of a friend’s expensive car. Simialrly, while you’re bestie is in the toilet grab her YSL bag and snap a few selfies for a rainy day. Ultimately, haters are going to have to prove that shit isn’t yours, so good luck to them.

@’ing Brands on Instagram

People get so caught up with what “being sponsored” actually means. Why wait for a brand to notice you, when you can do them a favour by @’ing them on your gram posts?

Don’t listen to the haters that say this simply makes you a “customer”, it doesn’t. Just think about it as practice for when you have a lucractive diarrhoeah tea contract like me. Nothing sad about that.

Your Tribe

Ask yourself, “what are my friends doing for me”. Really ask yourself. Do they have nice things? Do they have beach houses? Do they know any AFL players that you can hitch a financial ride off?

If the answer is no, cut them loose! You are never going to get a feature photo in STM hanging around unfashionable losers. You won’t even think about all the memories you had with your former “friends” once you start going to grand openings of pop-up bars.

AfterPay

AfterPay has made things so easy for influencers. In the old days where you’d need to offer sexual favours for every little thing you wanted.

Well, now, you can just buy flights, clothes & make-up on AfterPay, and give some sugar to a businessman at the Raffles in 6 weeks time. Buy now, blow later. Very efficient.

Documenting the human zoo is thirsty work. Care to buy Belle a beer?

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