Birkenstock has urgently recalled all of their Boston shoe range after reflecting on what they unleashed on society.
In a revised mission to “decuntify” the world, Birkenstock vow to produce footwear that doesn’t distress young children when they see them clomp on buy.
Anyone who bought a pair of Bostons can send the pair to Germany to plead their case for a refund. In a statement from the shoe giant,
“We want to ensure the wearer is sincere about changing their ways. If we don’t believe they genuinely are remorseful than they’ll have to keep wearing these abominations against the lord”
As for their trademark Moses red sea sandal, Birkenstock have conceded the “damage is done” and any recall would be pointless at this stage.
Seems fair.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?