A Perth McDonalds has been left scrambling for answers today after a man boldly entered the store and ordered 5 Fillet-O-Fish burgers without even a hint of fear of what was to come.
To ease the transaction through, the teenager on the till made a quip that it must be a Good Friday feed. She was however met with a blank stare and the man reportedly replied, “ah is it? No wonder everything is closed”. We spoke to a witness who told The Times,
“It was at that moment everyone knew we were dealing with a real sicko. He clearly had no idea it was Good Friday so the purchase had nothing to do with a weird sense of Catholic guilt. Oh no, this guy just wanted 5 fkn fish burgers”
Children were crying as parents struggled to contain the scene. Especially after the man casually took a seat with his meal and devoured each burger methodically. A witness told The Times,
“We’d just finished Dahmer on Netflix and I have to say it was like we were staring at an actual serial killer. It was hard to watch. He even combined two to make a kind of Fillet-O-Fish big mac monstrosity. We are lucky to have survived this encounter”
Naturally, police were called the moment the man left and a description given. In case any neighbourhood cats go missing this evening. After all, he’d probably try to steal their dinner, the fishy son of a bitch.
We understand that since the incident, the man’s friends have spoken to him and urged him to do that weird shit from the privacy of his car and not in public. People need to fkn sleep man.