Surge In fake IDs As NOR Eshays Struggle To Live Without HJ’s Penny Pincher Menu

The Whoppers are out of reach for eshays choosing to call Whitfords their turf after the store was forced to ban teens in an effort to curb violent, anti-social incidents.. 

To escape the humiliation of bringing mummy to get a feed, the eshay community has turned to dodgy online retailers for fake identification. It is estimated that since the ban came into place over 400 fake IDs have been ordered. We spoke to an eshay who believed the fake UK proof of age card he ordered would get the job done. He told The Times,

“How am I going to get the itchbays without taking ‘em for a feed and dat? Who do these gronks think they are adlay? I’m the realest on Perth streets and dat”

Former northbridge bouncer has taken the job on the door of Whitfords HJs and says these kids are dumb as dogshit. Adding,

“Everyone knows you need to be across the brief. Firstly, know the details on your fake ID. Do you realise how many $2 medium fries seeking shitheads I’ve turned away because they didn’t even remember their supposed date of birth? For the clever ones, I ask them what their star sign is. Hopeless”

While the ban enjoys wider community support, some parents are furious at having to actually supervise their children rather than let them run amok at HJs. A dadlay told The Times,

“HJs is a great little playground for that kid. He just hangs out there all day thinking he’s hard. Now I have to parent. This isn’t what I signed up for. Why do you think he ended up like this in the first place”

Non-wastes of oxygen also have expressed concern. With a NOR mother telling The Times the ban would only drive the burger trade underground and feared sly-burgering. Adding,

“You know, bacon deluxes are now going for about $15 on the street. I fear kids will turn to crime to feed their addiction. Or worse, travel further away from their support networks in communities to guy burgers in Joondalup”

Food for thought. 

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