The Pilbara is enjoying its very own superhero origin story as a FIFO worker claims to have been exposed to the missing radioactive capsule and has thus developed superpowers.
Speaking to his mates in the wet mess, big bad Brayden claims the brief exposure to the radioactive capsule has imbued him with the ability to outperform any other tradesman on the damn planet. In particular, being able to withstand otherwise fatal levels of radiation. He told The Times,
“10 X-Rays worth? That’s fark all mate, I could do a 96 hour shift in the Chernobyl reactor. No breaks. I always knew I was tougher than the rest but now I’m calling myself FIFO-Man”
Not everyone is convinced however. With some of his colleagues saying that not only has Brayden not been anywhere near the capsule but if he had there sure is no proof he’s developed supernatural abilities. One workmate told The Times,
“What’s his superpower meant to be? Being able to vape the most while sitting on his fat arse all day? Yeah, that’ll come in handy against a villain. Oh I guess the other thing he can do is clear out an entire toilet block with a single shit”
Brayden, however, wasn’t listening to the haters. Instead using his week off to goad emergency services about their warnings surrounding the lost capsule. He told The Times,
“PPE is for pussiescunts mate. I told em it’s weak as piss and if you wanted someone to extract the capsule safety I’d happily whack her in me front pocket. Ain’t nothing to me. I reckon I could flip a dumb truck with one hand mate”
We can only imagine how many Pilbara problems will be solved with their newfound superhero. Go well FIFO-man a nation needs you.
RELATED: Radioactive Capsule Located After Landcruiser Goes Back To The Future Trying To Block Overtaking Lane
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?