The Catholic Church is demanding answers after its cardinals were bombarded with thousands of unsolicited texts calling for the election of Clive Palmer as pope.
In the poorly worded texts, the cardinals are promised that a vote for Clive is a vote for the Sistine Chapel to get its own dinosaur statues, no pesky royal commissions and a replica arc built.
A spokesperson for the Catholic Church said the texts weren’t “helpful”, adding,
“Who is H Fong? How did he get our cardinals numbers? Why does the Trumpet of Patriots think they can get Clive Palmer a seat in the Vatican when they can’t even get one in the Australian Government? Please stop texting us!”
Of course, no one will ever know for sure if Clive is serious about taking up the top Catholic job. Or if it’s just a publicity stunt to win back some self respect after his political party went down in flames.
That’s not to say that some of the cardinals weren’t intrigued. We spoke to one who wished to remain anonymous. Who told The Times,
“The no royal commission thing, that has interested a lot of Priests. Can he really do that?”
No.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?