G’day farkwits, Keifo here. Even an untameable bull like me sometoimes has to work under some flog who reckons he’s me “boss”. It’s an unfortunate part of loife but pull up a crate and let Keifo tell yas how to deal with a shitafrabrains boss.
Mark ya territory – first things first, yas gotta remember that humans are just animals. If you don’t believe me look at the farken forrest growing in me gooch area. Just like other animals ya gotta mark yas scent.
So whenever “bossman” finishes taking a shit in the portaloo I’ll go in and show him how a real man destroys a toilet. Leave the door open so he can smell ya stink. Always be at least 4 Dares and 3 pies deep to ensure maximum devastation.
Establish dominance – Now, while I’m contractually obloiged not to give me boss the left, roight goodoignt, there’s nothing saying I can’t make a nosey member of the public fear for his welfare.
So when ya dickbrain boss is watching get ya bulldog on and show the world you ain’t to be messed with. Ha ha, like this time I was working on the road and some flog beeped me cos he reckons I wasn’t paying attention.
Let’s just say he had to call Obwiens that day ha ha. Paying enough attention for ya… ya mutt.
Hit ‘em with the razzle dazzle – for a usleless kent like you this moight be tricky but for king dick like me it’s a powerful tool and ya gotta be careful not to lay it on too thick.
I’ll just walk into a tough job, apply some hot shit skills that can’t be taught and tell the boss that seeing as I done the work of 10 men I’ll take the break of 10 men. He won’t even have collected his jaw from the floor by the time I’m fully asleep in me dual cab.
Yank their dick a bit – the reason people become bosses is because they are weak dogs. Remember that. So they are gonna cream their King Gees when a clearly alpha tradie throws them a bone.
Now when yas kiss arse never use any tongue. He’s a flog afterall. Just tell him his brand spankin’ Hilux ain’t dogshit or something. A little praise goes a long way and you’ll have him round yas little finger.
Secretly undermoiiinne their authority – If yas anything like me, you’ll spend most of ya workday inspiring ya coworkers with your obviously better styoile of leadership. Never let “bossman” hear but or you’ll have another HR meeting ha ha.
I like to hold a second tool box meeting after bossman’s to clear up a few points. Then I let anyone know if word gets back to Captain dickinboots they’ll wake up with a tube up their donger in a hospital bed.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?