Kmart has made the bold decision to relocate all checkouts to outside of its stores after a report identified a few customers who said they felt “trusted” inside the store.
The move is expected to create a much greater sense of paranoia, as customers will now be forced to get past the front-of-shop receipt checkers with their loads en route to the actual checkout.
Anko is even preparing to release a range of product concealing tracky dacks to help customers transition to the new system.
A spokesperson for Kmart said it will give customers the “full experience”, adding,
“When people come to Kmart they want to feel like the dirty little shoplifters they are. That’s why we moved the checkout to the middle, although, we typically won’t admit that, oh damn”
While some customers think the move is only going to deteriorate the already uneasy relationship between Kmart staff and customers, some welcome the challenge.
We spoke to local risk taker, Kyle, who was keen to run the gauntlet. He told The Times,
“I’ve been training for this my whole life. You’ve got no idea how much Anko shit I’ve stuffed down my pants in the last 10 years. I will prevail!”
We have no doubts he will.
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