Every morning the Terrace corporate miner gets changed knowing he’ll be saving the best part of his uniform for last – his official office lanyard that he presents to himself in the mirror like he was standing on the podium in front of an adoring crowd.
It’s more than an ID badge for the man, it’s a symbol of achievement beyond any other profession’s wildest dreams and by George does it give him a tremendous power-stiffy.
It will therefore come as no surprise that the man enjoys parading the lanyard up and down the Terrace throughout the day. A witness who copped a big load of mining-lanyard this afternoon told The Times,
“I’m pretty sure he was sticking his chest out at City Provisions when he came in for a bacon & egg roll this morning. He caught me catching a glimpse and gave me this shiteating grin. I could hear his thoughts saying, yeahhhh buddy soak it all in. That’s a big man’s lanyard”
Similarly, a young lady was lucky to not have needed to change her grundies this afternoon after the Chino’d up, Polo shirt rocking CBD cowboy brushed past her on the CAT. With the lanyard gently caressing her back. She told The Times,
“Wow. Normally people apologise for bumping past you but this guy was looking at me like he’d just blessed my plebby work clothes with an object of great power. Then he gave me a wink as he repositioned his lanyard for maximum visibility”
We spoke to the man himself who still wearing the lanyard some 3 hours after he finished work. He told The Times,
“Oh this old thing? I barely notice I’ve got it on. I once wore it when I was knocking boots ha ha. Imagine that. Forgetful old me forget to take off my lanyard. Pretty sweet though isn’t it. Wanna touch it?”
Since interviewing the man we were contacted by this one-time partner who said the “boot knocking” only lasted a few minutes but he indeed kept the lanyard on while he was power-flogging his softy on the corner of the bed in a sweaty heap of frustration.
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