A Perth man has decided he needs to enjoy a comparatively relaxing activity after enduring the horrors of the Perth Royal Show.
His senses have been completely overloaded and eyes still sting from the pungent cloud of Lynx mutated with land-dugong B.O to produce a scent that could strip paint.
Accordingly, he has decided to throw himself to the mercy of the returning Douth South traffic. Which honestly feels like a day spa pampering session at the moment. He told The Times,
“After I offload the kids on my folks I’m going to bang it up Kwinana Freeway until I get to the land that infrastructure forgot, I’ll wait until its particularly backed up and swoop in, really looking forward to it, you know I could sandwiched between a couple of type 2 Bintang baboons and I think I have pink eye now”
Indeed, the man clearly is still showing signs of extreme stress. Especially after a raging bull-Karen took a run at him over a misunderstanding that saw him get his hands on a Bertie Beetle showbag she claimed she had been waiting for first. He continued,
“She kept taking photos of me and telling me I’m going to be Facebook famous. The screeching was like something I’ve never heard, her husband was clearly drinking a can of Coke Zero filled with bourbon and he burped in my face, that was fun”
Compared to that and hundreds of other Royal Show experiences, the man described doing his ‘nana trying to merge in the Douth traffic was like raking the sand of his own mental zen garden. He continued,
“So I was sitting there enjoying the gridlock when the driver of a filthy Patrol jumped out of his car and started barking at me through my driver’s window. I just smiled. He had no power here, I had already been completely hollowed out by the Show ha ha, do your worst mate”
Indeed, every infuriating display of inconsiderate Douther driving was water off a duck’s back to the man. He’d just start thinking about the day he had, when a child vomited a thick mix of dagwood dog and fairy floss on his shorts.
Or when he had to try and pretend paying over $20 for a ride was acceptable. Those were the things that would really keep him up at night.
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