Today, Jodi has opted for the classic “winter MILF” look: head to toe in Lululemon, a Moncler puffer vest and a handbag that’s worth more than your education. Her pleasant musk and rattling jewellery attract the attention of men like the pied piper of creeping perves.
A young teen fixes her a coffee while diving deep into a pool boy-esque fantasy in his mind. Likewise, a well-dressed property developer executes a shameless turn & stare to satisfy himself that Jodi is indeed the complete package. She’s turning heads like a turkey farmer before Christmas.
Let no one say that Jodi isn’t at the cougar ranch for non-essential matters. She is on a mission to buy throw rugs and small ornamental pillows that annoy the living fuck out of her family. She nonchalantly browses the goods at Bed, Bath & Table while periodically checking her cougar-gram.
Out of the corner of her
Suddenly, a pack of
Jodi jumps in her Range Rover and meets her friend in Claremont. While checking her make-up she backs into a trolley boy. If only she could hear his minimum waged cries for help over the sound of Adele blaring from her system.
While catching eyes from Polo in the City looking trust funders she remembers a pesky errand she had. Not to worry, she calls her daughter, “have the school order you a taxi darling”. She turns to her friends, “the au pair needed to fly back to Malaysia for a funeral, you just can’t find good help these days”.
On her way home, she swings past the Boatshed to buy some affluent-meat. It’s pretty similar to the sort of peasant turd-steaks you buy, except, well, not
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?