Cottesloe Perth WA

Ms Cottesloe

Sophie is having a tough day. Her new Range Rover Sport is due for maintenance, so she is forced to drive around her sister’s shitty BMW.

The timing couldn’t be worse, today is the day that she is due to meet with her plastic surgeon regarding her implants. A crook birthday present from her overly familiar father that just loves his little Soph Soph. 

Later in the week, Sophie catches up with one of her friends at a Cottesloe bar. They drink a bottle of Laurent-perrier (label facing the street) and discuss how hard life is. 

Tina is sympathetic about the Rangey being out of commission but she has her own hardships too. All her favourite musical festivals have been delayed until next year, “like, I get we need to be careful of COVID but like old people have to die of something?”

Sophie shares a story of her own elderly grandparent and mentions the silver lining of an early inheritance. They giggle devilishly while checking out their own respective duck lips in any reflective surface they can find. 

She has to cut lunch short. Her bachelor of commerce degree isn’t going to nearly fail itself. After a few minutes of study, she remembered her greatest skill at university was manipulating the pencil-dicked goobers that simped her six ways to sunday. 

She contacts her #1 simp and to sweeten the deal she face times him. She’s gone for the naughty librarian look with a pair of glasses with no magnification properties. Brett is powerless to resist this look.

She explains she needs his exam notes for a unit she’s struggling with. He explains that he didn’t actually take that unit so he can’t be of much help. His tune changes, however, when she retorts, “aww but you’re so smart Bretty, sooner I finish studying the sooner I can get to the beach if you wanted to come”. 

The mere thought of her in a bikini next to him turns his jocks into an IVF clinic. He is now sure he could spend a quick 5 hours drafting her up some perfect notes. 

Having finished her studying duties, Sophie calls up a friend for a bite to eat. Halfway through the meal, she spots a dude she had a brief fling with. When they met Sophie was seeing the world through MDMA coloured glasses and failed to detect he wasn’t quite up to scratch. 

“Oh hi Tim, um I thought you had an awful accident on the weekend?” Tim looks shocked, “No, I told you that I bought an investment property in Thornlie”. Sophie looks sickened, “um yeh that, sorry I didn’t message back”. 

All in all, the encounter is about as comfortable as a late 90’s SBS foreign film with your parents in the room. Her friend is horrified, “omg, Thornlie, did you catch anything form him?” Soph sobs into her pasta, “he was renting next to the OBH when I met him I swear”. 

She orders another bottle of Rose to help numb the pain of her fleeting encounter with the lower class. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?