As various media outlets report various stats, The Times can confirm that Perth suffered through the coldest day ever in the history of the world.
Reaching temperatures between – “my nips are picking up space transmission” to “I’d hate to be dacked right now” the mercury hit temps so low that some Perth residents had to reconsider wearing shorts.
We spoke to a Terrace worker who told The Times,
“Yeah can confirm, bad day to be my dick at the urinal, the lines of lunch coke didn’t help much, hope no one snuck a peak”
The weather was so heinous that anyone with any existing power credits will surely have smoked the last of them up keeping their heating going in the face of poorly insulated Perth homes.
Further to the amazing statistic, the BoM released this statement,
“This one goes out to Antarctica, sorry for breaking your record but people in Perth were literally having to wear their North Face gear unironically, so yeah, think we got you beat!”
Well, there you go Perth, your feelings have been vindicated by statistics.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?