River property owner regrets bringing Canning views to a Swan views fight 

A multi-million dollar property owner has made an absolute fool of himself this morning after discussing the joy of “river views” with a new bunch of corporate wanks he’s formed a peloton with. 

At the South Perth meeting point, the men began to reflect on the brilliance of the river and many opened up about their lives living on it. 

This gave the Shelley resident a chance to bond with the guys. A member of the club who lives in SP told The Times,

“The new guy was nodding along agreeing with everything we were saying. How one becomes fond of the  pungent stink of the river and how one wants to commit unspeakable crimes against trees blocking our views” 

It was a real bonding moment the men began to show off with stories of Summer afternoon sailing, dolphin encounters, and the joy of a stunning vista while jacking off over a form to increase the rent in their investment properties by 150%. 

The yarns were coming thick and thin and at one point the new guy was asked where he lived. 

This is apparently when things got a little awkward. The man, assuming he had sufficient postcode chops, confidently announced he was in the 6148 and could relate to all their stories.

Initially, the announcement was left with the kind of awkward silence you’d expect from a group of Hale boys after finding out one of them was using numbing cream to ensure a loss at their weekly soggybiscuit game. 

Silence soon turned to intense, howling laughter. Our witness continued,

“The richest guy in the group almost cacked his dacks laughing. He just kept saying, CANNING RIVER. Over and over again. No one could believe this guy brought Canning views to a Swan River fight”

Another member of the peloton squirrel gripped him and told him if he ever compared the mighty swan to a major tributary again he’d have ‘em off.

We understand the new guy was forced to buy the coffees to take the heat out of the merciless mockery he received during the entire ride. 

He won’t be welcome back in the peloton anytime soon.