Famous Ogre Shrek was apparently looking to relocate to Perth after learning it was a City built mostly on swamp land.
Naturally, this lifestyle appealed to him given his proclivities for moist terrain. Alas, while looking into the move he was shocked at how much glorified swampburbs were wanting for real estate.
We spoke to the great green man who was fumin’. He told The Times,
“Ahhhh yee canna be serious! A million bucks for a swamp property! I’ve looked from Belmont to Baldivis and I canna afford nawthing”
Shrek went on to say that he was first attracted to the swamp lifestyle due to the low overheads. He continued,
“I didnae choose the swamp life, the swamp life chose me, no one wanted to live there and that suited me! Now I see everyone in Perth going absolutely bonkers for the swamp, do they not realise it floods? The mozzies? What’s wrong with ye!”
There appears to be no chance Shrek will be moving to Perth now. A big blow especially given we have a new state of the art film studio which he could’ve utilised for Shrek 5.
Ah well.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?