It was shaping up to be the perfect afternoon for workers at a city firm. With an email going out at 2:30 saying everyone was welcome to knock off at 2:45 to slam back a coupla sherberts in the boardroom. In honour of one of the last beautiful afternoons left before winter.
By all reports, the drinks sesh was going swimmingly. With the 9 members in attendance unwinding with the Crownies and bottom shelf grape-piss they so kindly provide staff at the end of a long week.
There were a few laughs and even a little flicker of intergenerational bonding over predictions for the week’s footy game. Sure, they were united by circumstance but at this brief moment in time, they may as well have been friends.
Well, that’s until Sandra came barging in with the storm clouds of drama ominously circling her demeanor. A witness at the drinks sesh told The Times,
“I was just chatting to Maurice about this lovely little spot for tapas I’d found and then Sandra insincerely apologised to everyone for interrupting before proclaiming she can’t believe the shit Terry pulled on the Johnson file”
Similarly, Amanda was enjoying a chat with Merve about Flagmantle’s road to September. She told The Times,
“Sandra is so overbearing and within like 3 minutes we were all listening to her go on and on about this stupid email. It was like a black hole of aural misery. All the work talk had a butterfly effect and suddenly everyone was chirping about work-related bullshit”
Liam apparently necked the rest of his froff before ejecting himself the hell out of there. Telling The Times,
“Nope, not again. Not another lovely afternoon spent talking about work. The entire reason we’re in the boardroom getting pissed is to forget about our week. Maybe even talk about something that makes us happy. I had to go man”
Sandra, however, remains unrepentant about her actions. Claiming that socialising with work colleagues is a slippery slope and one day they’ll thank her for destroying any real chance they have to bond. Adding,
“You just wait until you have to do the dirty on a coworker. Trust me you don’t want to be thinking about the quaint little holiday they had down south. You want to view them as a number. Anyway, I base my entire personality on work so what else would I have to talk about?”
We understand a small group splintered off to seek refuge in a local pub. A move that went well until 2 hours later when they realised they had nothing else to talk about and slowly got back to why the office manager can’t get the photocopier serviced more regularly.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?