Water Corp has conducted extensive testing on the Beaconsfield river of shit and have concluded that it contains less bodily waste than your average swim-up bar in an Aussie-favoured Balinese hotel.
Accordingly, the Government is asking residents of Perth to calm down a bit and query why they seem so comfortable stewing in bogan juices on holiday. An insider told The Times,
“Some residents may be more distinguished but lets face it, your average Perth resident has soaked and contributed to far more unsanitary conditions when they run amok in Bali. Animals, absolute animals”
The tests were particularly shocking given the amount of chlorine Balinese businesses are required to put into their pools to negate the effects of Dazza and Sheryl living off a steady diet of McDonalds, Bintang and mushie shakes.
We spoke to a Beaconsfield resident who said while the smell was atrocious he did feel a footy trip he took with the boys 5 years ago after a tax return was worse. Adding,
“Yeah, it brought back some memories ha ha. Aquaturds just slipping out because none of us could regulate our gut biomes ay”
Truly horrifying stuff.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?