ADF Enlist Cooper Connolly To Train Deep Sea Divers On How To Perform Under Pressure

The Australian Defence Force has reached out to Perth hero Cooper Connolly to beg him to come and teach their highly skilled clearance divers a thing or two about performing under pressure after watching his performance in the Big Bash last night. 

Cooper had only played 4 games and had the unenviable task of de-shitting the bed that the Scorchers had found themselves in. Rather than breaking under pressure, the 19-year-old smashed boundaries like a young Gilly. 

Limited big bash game time, a fierce chase, and high temperatures in the middle meant Cooper definitely had ice in his veins when he took to the crease – and not the usual type of ice you’d expect in Perth. A spokesperson for the ADF told The Times,

“Our divers are the best of the best, or so we thought. I don’t even think you’d find the kind of pressure that kid was under 60m below the surface while trying to defuse an active mine. We have to have him”

Sources close to Cooper say the boy is honoured by the call up but would probably rather focus on cricket at this time. Nevertheless, the ADF isn’t one to take no for an answer. The spokesperson continued,

“We know he doesn’t mind the salt water so we’ve thrown in a life time supply of Mr Zog’s and restored Holden Sandman station wagon to sweeten the deal. What kinda Trigg kid is going to turn that down?”

In other news, bottlos all over the Perth region are rejoicing after selling out of dogshit QLD beer as the visitors attempted to ease the discomfort of getting scorched last night. Read more HERE.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?