One might think one had hit the air jackpot living on Marine Parade. One would be right for 99% of people by Cynthia is not 99% of people.
It seems the fresh ocean breeze wasn’t enough and she admits she has been importing her air from Europe for quite some time. It is even costing her a whopping $10k per month to keep her sprawling manor topped up with the good stuff.
While hand-feeding her fur baby the leftover Beluga caviar from yesterday, she told The Times,
“Darling, how could you possibly say Cottesloe has premium air if someone in their poverty chariot can simply roll in and breathe it too? That’s not exclusive my dear, that’s common, frightfully so. This month I have my air from the Bordeaux wine region”
Perhaps she had a point. After all, in the luxury market quality is merely incidental to the main goal of exclusivity. We spoke to her son and asked him what he thought about spending almost triple the minimum monthly wage on air. He told The Times,
“I hate it! Bordeaux? That’s just France’s Margaret River. I told her to get the Aspen spring back. Just as some of the ice starts to melt and the harsh winter makes way for life and the final pops of Dom Perigon as we close out another ski season. She says that air makes her feel cold though”
That sounds like some good air. Unfortunately, the premium lines of air aren’t available all year round and Cynthia wasn’t about to put 2 month old air in her home.
We asked Cynthia’s husband about the lavish spending and he told The Times that as long as his indoor golf practice area was pumped full of vintage St Andrews Golf Course air from the summer of 1999 he didn’t really care. Adding,
“I’m not as fussy as the others but ‘99 was a good year for Scottish air and frankly I’ve worked too hard to breathe the same generic filth as the rest of you so-called people”
We can also report that when Cynthia leaves the house she’ll take a number of small oxygen bottles with her to “top up” as she makes her way around locations such as Napoleon St.
The Golden Triangle have specials needs! Get used to it!
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
