When it comes to complacency, Tony from Belmont sets the gold standard. Expertly avoids any opportunities to grow or improve his life with a simple mantra he repeats several times a day, it is what it is.
When we spoke to Tony, he’d just managed to get his door open after a solid 3 minutes of wiggling his key, applying various angle pressure, and calling it a cunnovadog. He told The Times,
“Is what it is, mate, every day that’s how I get through me front door. Mates ask me why I don’t just get it fixed and I tell em it opens eventually so fark it”
Not content with applying his philosophy to the mundane routine of life, Tony also likes to spearhead his career with the same lack of vigour and gusto. We spoke to a fellow forkie that was recently promoted ahead of Tony at work. He told The Times,
“I’m on like $8 an hour more than him and we do the same job. I told him to go and chat to management and establish his worth. He refused so I asked him if it annoyed him. He just shook his head and said, yeah nahhhhhh, it is what it is mate. Wtf is that?”
His misso also claims their relationship has stagnated due to her man’s refusal to put any effort into life’s transformative moments. Adding,
“Don’t get me wrong. It’s a relatively nice 10 seconds. I cherish each and every one of those 6 pumps but I do sometimes wish he’d last a bit longer. I tried to suggest seeing a doctor but he just lays in a pool of his own sweating assuring me that it is what it is and yearning for more satisfaction is ultimately pointless”
We asked Tony how he dealt with so much frustration in his life and urged him to consider taking the bull by the horns and living the life he could. He just sat at his wonky table, enjoying another burnt oven pizza and told us,
“Nah who can be farked mate, is what it is ay, she’ll be right”
What a dynamo.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
