Mr “Adam Goodes is a Flog”

Macka’s irrational hate for Adam Goodes reached a surreal climax on the weekend when he was escorted from the stadium following a racial slur. His wife and children stared shamefully at the overflowing sauce on their pies as their husband carried on looser than a school bully’s untucked shirt during a substitute teacher’s religious studies class. For reasons Macka’s missing-link mind struggles to comprehend, his passion turned prejudicial and reason was drowned out by the frothing snarl of hatred.

As Macka waits for banishment from his beloved West Coast Eagles, he stares angrily at the rusted shell of an EF Falcon that sits unloved in the front yard of his Mandurah duplex. He receives a call from his best mate, “Macka! Saw the footage on the telly, can’t believe you got kicked out for boo’ing that fucking flog!” Macka feels the immature self-assurance of a man who refuses to deal with his underlying alcohol and anger issues, “fucking disgrace ay, he’s a bloody flog with a thrashed out rig and a piss-weak attitude”. His mate queries, “yeh fuk oath mate, so what did you say anyway?” Macka takes a breath, “aw nah, nah, nah, like, nothing bad ay, just said they left the flog gate open at the fucking zoo” Oh.

A few days have passed since Macka martyred himself in front of a pulsating legion of bandwagon Goodes haters. Nevertheless, his angry fever calls for only one prescription: losing himself in the white rage of capslocked apeshitery on a Perthnow forum. His incoherent arsenal is well-armed with ambiguous comments about aboriginal war dances and flogging injustice of Goodes being named Australian of the Year.

Macka begins smashing his keyboard in rebuttal to some “leftard” who suggested the public should show Adam a little more respect. His sunglasses-tanned eyes focus intently as he froths like Rolf Harris at the end of a Rugrats marathon. “git FUKCED, he’s alweys whingin, bloody unAustralian and that war dance crap, wyh has he nvre don it befor? see FLoG,… lfeties at tit agian lol”. The debate rages on unnecessarily and Macka’s rage grows like an uncouth rash on the chaffed peen of decency.

Macka was unable to attend work this week due to the infected gash of indignation that festers on his mind. In the absence of gainful employment, he checks the news and almost cacks his dacks in fury. “Priddis is a bigger fucking flog than Goodes” he proclaims to his uninterested family. “What now hun?” Macka puts down his fork of last nights sweet & sour pork and fumes his latest agro opinion, “Priddis is turning his back on his supporters and saying we should show that FLOG some respect. Fucking boycott Priddis I reckon ay”.

Now Macka is just swinging like a concussed boxer. Settle down mate, he’s just a footy player.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?