Ms Anti-Vaccine

This is Linda, and she is an anti-vaccine advocate. Priests hate her! As she has proven that you can ruin a generation of children without needing to put something in them!

5 years ago, Linda transformed herself from bored Xanax munching housewife, to a new age holistic purveyor of well being. Something had to fill that pool-boy-penis shaped hole in her life, so she embraced yoga, clean eating and of course, relentlessly broadcasting anti-vaccine propaganda like it was an urgent Rugs-a-Million closing down sale.

Before yoga, Linda decides to wake up some sheeple with an anti-vax meme. The graphic contains uncited statistics and dubious quotes from American TV doctors. Unfortunately, Linda’s head is so far up her own arse that she is unable to smell the pungent stank of bullshit. She worsens the situation:

“I am a pro-choice mummy and will not let the wills of Big Pharma put my children’s well being at risk. My kiddies have never had whooping cough or measles, and that’s because I give them super oils every day. Vaccines do more harm than good, stop putting our children at RISK Australia!”

Oh yeh, Linda just battled logic in a game of Mortal Cuntbat and delivered a 12 hit combo fatality. She floats off to her yoga class without the weighty burden of a fucking brain in her head. After the class, she rounds up a couple of mothers who she suspects are as “enlightened” as her.

“Darlings, my neighbour’s kiddy has contracted chicken pox, so I am hosting a chicken pox party, bring your little balls of sunshine over, and we can fight disease the natural way, by promoting our baby’s immune systems”.

There will be more infecting going on than a hooker with a condom allergy at a Swanbourne public toilet dogging fiesta. After all, what’s a horrible virus between friends ay?

It turns out that Linda underestimated the non-fuckwittedness of one of the mothers. She promptly alerts the other mothers at the school that Linda has finally jumped off the deep end of the gene pool and now wades in the window-licking shallows. More than a few concerned parents speak their mind.

It is decided that Linda’s children will not be invited to any of the class parties should Linda go through with her plan. Now, when you poke the bear of delusion, you get DiCaprio’d. Linda turns into a mauling mummy and goes on a social media rampage. It’s not long until decorum takes its leave and Linda is in full tinfoil-hat mode.

Unsatisfied with just putting her children’s health in danger, she decides to strike a brutal blow to their social skills as well. Linda’s children will now be home-schooled in the arts of free thought, yoga and the benefits of mineral oil scrubs in the combat against infectious diseases.

Amazing how a chemical and GMO-free lifestyle can still make you sound like you are smoking meth.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?