Marko has conceded that a COVID checkpoint in the middle of the Narrows Bridge is the only sure way to ensure SOR is protected from the more COVIDy north, adding, “for some reason, it appears to be our duty to protect the SOR lifestyle”.

While no one knows for sure why the cunty-virus prefers NOR it is speculated that viral organism is more concerned about what it could catch from coming into contact southerners than continuing it’s destructive cycle.

A feeling that Perth knows all too well and is a bit of a humanising, bonding moment with this microscopic shitstain that keeps getting our beloved watering holes shut down.

Another theory circulating is that the virus doesn’t thrive in the south due to low self esteem because SOR residents don’t “believe in it”. This is thought to be only time the SOR “conspiracy theory belt” has benefited society rather than hindering its progress at every turn.

Fortunately, due to the freakishly high proportion of postcode tattoos, E Plates and unroadworthy dual cab vehicles in the south, checkpoint guards will have an easy time identifying any southerner who has slipped through the checkpoint and have them quarantined in the east.

There isn’t any facility or anything, it’s just no one really cares what happens in the hills. Out of site, out of mind is the credo that has kept the uneasy truce between hill dwellers and flat landers for decades.

NOR residents “don’t give a shit” about he measures with one Mullaloo resident stating, “we don’t really need any extra motivation not to visit the south, fine by us”.

The checkpoint is expected to protect SOR through winter but may be extended because “it’s kinder that way“, unofficial sources close to the Premier have leaked.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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