Don’t be fooled by this sleepy coastal City, the townsfolk haven’t slept a wink! Gero – the Northern gateway to worse places.
Seeing as there are no promises the tarmac at Gero airport will be set it’s best to pack the 4WD and embark on a road trip. On your way, make sure you check out Butler, Lancelin and the Pinnacles to properly prepare for the disappointment that awaits you at your destination.
There is nothing like the vast, unrelenting nothingness of WA’s north to adequately lower your expectations and make Geraldton feel like Carnival in Rio de Janeiro.
Top Experiences in Gero
For years drug traffickers have competed to see who can break the record of getting busted with the biggest haul in Geraldton. The current record stands at $1B worth of ice – that’s not a haul that’s a fucking blizzard.
Think you’re up for the task? Running drugs through the Abrolhos is fraught with perils: unforgiving reef, rough seas, snitching seals and fiending locals that would be happy to take the cargo off your hands.
Battle the tourists at the Pink Lake
Is battling hordes of tourists your idea of a good time? Then Hutt Lagoon is for you. Watch on in disgust as boyfriends of Instagram spend their day photographing their wannabe influencer girlfriends.
Weep for humanity as you see shallow, vacuous travel bloggers glued to a camera and not for a single second living in the moment. Oh, and then comment on whether the water was as pink as you thought. Good times.
You’ve played Pokemon Go, so now get ready for the real thing. Except you won’t be looking for Snorlax or Squirtle, oh no, you’ll be looking to capture desperate fugitives that have broken out of Greenough Prison.
If you are lucky enough to witness a Gero prison break, be quick, the average escapee can only stand Geraldton for roughly 24 hours before deciding prison isn’t so bad. Gotta catch em all!
Witness the plague of Corellas
Each year, a super flock of Corellas head to Geraldton to fuck shit up. Much like an evictee from Vibe Nightclub, these birds leave a trail of absolute destruction in their path. When they aren’t destroying street lights, trees or cathedrals they are waging a full-scale war on your eardrums.
Enjoy seeing the locals completely lose their shit and throw firecrackers at the birds in a desperate bid to rid their town of the feathery scourge. If you’re lucky you won’t inhale the asbestos they like to pick at.
Is your idea of partying getting day drunk on a foreshore and then punching on outside of the only nightclub in town? Well then, you are going to love Gero – the Mandurah of the North.
Or perhaps you’re a fan of getting intoxicated on a fishing boat and spraying the ocean with your man-burley. Yes? Well, Gero has you covered. With this many entertainment options, you have to wonder why some people leave!
Get a glimpse of the yellow submarine
Do you have a burning hatred for Dongara? Or perhaps you just like The Beatles, either way, Geraldton stole a yellow submarine from Dongara and displayed it on their foreshore as a show of strength over their southern cousins for years.
Now, they occasionally attach it to a car and parade it through the streets like a decapitated dissident to remind anyone visiting from Dongara that Gero is still No.1 in the Midwest.
When in Gero it is important to wear board shorts as often as humanly possible. Gero has such a strong affection to boardies that the Mayor went toe to toe with the PM over an attempt to band the Nation’s favourite shorts from Australia Day citizen ceremonies. So the least you can do is don a pair. Complete the look like a Hi-VIS top for maximum Gero points.
“I spent me life working down holes, so Geraldton really felt at home for me. They say there is good fishing but the only thing I caught was a burning sensation after big night ha ha, bloody ripper, mate” – M Nolan
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?