A recent study by the Department of Getting On It has found Easter Sunday to be hands down the seediest day of the Easter Long weekend.
After surveying thousands of sesh rats, gluttons and keen long weekend enthusiasts the study found that most people were a mere shell of themselves on the Sunday but feel compelled to continue like some kind of chocolate & piss filled zombie.
We spoke to the head of the study who said the results were unsurprising but at least everyone’s suspicions had been validated. Adding,
“Many people have been gorging themselves like a stoned Clive Palmer at an old school all-you-can-eat Pizza Hut from the Thursday. The effects of excessive booze, chocolate, roasts and hot X buns mixed with lack of sleep produces a feeling most would liken to being on life support”
Despite most people resembling a bloated bag of shit, they will continue the celebrations tonight. Sweating profusely, crop dusting and being unable to satiate any of urges they have developed a heavy tolerance to over the last 3 days.
We spoke to such an animal who said he was going to the pub again later despite having a grade 3 shart the night before. Adding,
“Yeah my guts are pretty crook. Not used to eating 2kg of chocolate a day and all the other shit but I can’t stop now. I’m like the Ben Cousins of overindulging at Easter”
Good luck sir.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?