The 4WD Enthusiast

People deal with their wife leaving them for a bigger dick’d man in different ways. For Geoff that was spending way too much on a second-hand Land Cruiser and doing away with the Alfa Romeo that had marred his manhood for so many years.

For the first 6 months, the V8 twin turbo peen extension saw most of its action in slightly unkempt golf course car parks and the wilderness of Down South winery entrances. That was until his shit-for-brains son became slightly bogged on a mate’s verge during the great Perth flood.

Geoff responded to the panicked call with basic instructions, “son, there are two Escaper Buddy traction mats in the boot that the owner insisted I buy”. It worked. It actually worked. Geoff had redeemed his masculinity, and he was finally able to sleep at night rather than fixate on the Milwaukee impact drill of a wanger that his wife was getting from that tradesman loverat.

It was at this moment Geoff entered full Russel Coight mode. His first port of call was to buy all the accessories, a rear bar, roof racks you could land a helicopter on and of course a snorkel long enough for Jacques Cousteau. He had all the gear but no idea.

His expanded his boundaries, suddenly he was making parking islands piss and became that guy to line up for 1 hour when the price of diesel dropped because now he had a big boy’s tank and a couple of jerry cans, blokeo.

When he wasn’t slowly washing the dirt off his pride & joy in full view of his street, he was on 4WD forums talking about river crosses he’s never done and posting unsolicited pictures of his rig’s “flex” like he was an Instagram bodybuilder.

Of course, this was all in between laughing mercilessly at photos of Patrol drivers bogged on beaches and telling them to “deflate their tyres next time, champ”, sigh, the no-shit shop called Geoff, they want their advice back.

He soon became quite disliked in the 4WD community and was booted from most groups for being a few inbreds short of a caravan park. He didn’t care, with each post his confidence grew, and he decided to take his rig onto the dunes in Lancelin.

Sadly when one’s confidence doesn’t match one’s ability in the 4WD game, you tend to roll like the eyes of a man suffering a 3rd-degree gurn at Rainbow Serpent. A local man recognised Geoff from a forum and took great delight in uploading the carnage to an FB group, “try deflating your tyres dick head”.

That arvo the photo of his rolled vehicle gets roasted like a slow turkey on Thanksgiving.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?