Mr Big Bash Cricket

Paul is a McCricket fan. He could never handle the 5-course test match degustation on offer but found the happy meal of Big Bash far easier to digest. 

Now is he is #gettingscorched like the car involved in a Canning Vale ATM raid and living his life 20 overs at a time to the sounds of the latest pop songs at Perth Stadium. 

To Paul, cricket is a lot less about lightning sharp reflexes and rich tradition and much more about fancy big screen graphics, wearing an orange bucket on his head and drinking faster than David Boon just before the service trolley is tucked away for landing.

While his disinterested girlfriend takes #cricketfan selfies, Paul and his bucket-headed mates build a beer snake and constantly try to start a wave that ends up looking as desperate as Clive Palmer at the High Court registry. Basically, anything but watch cricket.

All up, he only really watched the match when a 6 was replayed on the screen, “see this is the problem with test cricket, they don’t back themselves on the big hits”. Ugh, every time a Big Bash bandwagoner opens his casual-hole, a Michael Clarke fairy loses his wings. 

Nevertheless, on the ride home, he bores the shit out of everyone with statistics about the washed-up players he’d barely watched and berates his girlfriend for not paying attention to “some best cricket that has ever been played”. Move over festival toilets – this is who is overflowing with shit.

He is up early this morning to talk shit online about all things Big Bash – from whether Curran is overrated to whether or not in his expert opinion, the Scorchers can win this tournament with their current batting line up.

He talks with all the confidence of a Commodore profile pic on a Fox Sports facebook page and is sending abusive bouncers at anyone who dares question his sudden appreciation of cricket.

What a weapon, and to think, this is what he’s like after just one game. Imagine what he’s going to be like by the end of the season?