REPORT: Wearing Bunnings Trade Hoodie Makes Weekend Warrior Feel Like A Big Man 

Daryl is a purebred, fair dinkum self-renovating, trailer dodging Bunnings super-nuffie and he’s got the PowerPass card to prove it. 

Before any new trip to Bunnings, to purchase more goods to add to the macabre charade he calls home renovations, he’ll proudly don the hoodie or shirt depending on the weather. 

The Times talked to Daryl while he was smashing a double banger sausage sizzle down his gullet,

“People see me walk in wearing the trade hoodie and they know I’m basically a tradie. I’m not technically a tradesman but let’s just say that pergola out the back of my place, it didn’t half build itself mate. I’ve got an ABN and all”

It was true. In the brief time speaking to Daryl several young Bunnings-groupies swooned as they gazed upon the uniform of the sorta numpty who buys a Paslode Cordless Lithium-Ion Impulse FrameMaster PowerVent nailgun5000 just to build one of the shittest bed frames ever constructed by man. 

Daryl’s wife described the ritual as “like cosplay” and she notices her husband change up the way he speaks when he wears the hoodie,

“It’s so embarrassing, he’s a middle-aged man who works in a white-collar office environment but when he’s wearing the hoodie it’s payload this, retaining wall that, we’ve spent so much money repairing his mistakes to our house”

One such tradie who was called in to help fix some serious structural issues on one of Daryl’s last jobs told The Times,

“Mate, I got one of them shirts when they were just handing em out, you can find it tied to some timber hanging off the back of me ute mate, no self respecting tradie would parade around in one. Now a Makita trade radio, that’s a different story”

Ron, on the other hand, paid the full asking price for his. Which he claims only establishes his authority as a well-respected tradie in the industry,

“They knew I had the cash. You should see them watch me load up my Golf with the payload. They are so impressed with my skills. I never have to hire a trailer mate”

Perhaps he should have thought. A view shared by the WA Police Force who has infringed Daryl on several occasions for unsafe loads. A move that Daryl says is “classic dogs picking on tradies cos we rack in way more than them”.

There goes that tradie talk again, Daryl. Stick to spreadsheets, bud. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?