WA man trades in future prospects in dating pool for an obnoxious yank tank

A WA man has made a conscious decision to remove himself from the WA dating pool by purchasing an oversized yank tank that describes itself as the “Apex Predator of SUVs”. A move that will be sending every woman in a 150m radius into early menopause – the dodge Ram effect.

Now unburdened with the possibility of finding a mate, the man is free to brutally teabag the ballsack of obnoxious Americanisation across the face of Aussie society. He told The Times,

“You think a P-Plater shits themselves when a Ranger is up their arse? Wait until they see this absolute unit wanting to toss their salad ha ha. Good riddance to women, I don’t even need a dick now I got this thing acting as my prosthetic”

His most recent failed date said she was charmed by the massive Snapper in his Plenty o’ Fish dating profile but was instantly turned off when he wouldn’t stop talking about the freedom a massive American SUV could offer a person. She told The Times,

“My heart just sank, he’s one of *those* people. Yuck. He kept talking about how he dreamed of taking up 4-5 parking bays every time he went down to Costco. I told him it’s better that we see other people”

Not only has the man enjoyed clogging up the drain of Perth infrastructure with his overcompensating pubic heap of shit, but he’s slowly sending himself bankrupt. He told The Times,

“It’s a good thing that women are repulsed by me now because I ain’t got the money to take them out. Do you have any idea how much this thing cost me? Or how much fuel it needs? Mate, I’ll need to sell a kidney soon. Worth it given I encroach into other people’s lanes but”

Now one might think that the man would be lonely given he’s thrown away his last chances at love by buying a Dodge. Quite the opposite, he’s attracted a legion of men who want nothing more than to get a photo next to the big rig to impress other men who like big rigs. 

They call him the 4 burner because every day is a sausage sizzle now. 

RELATED: What Your Choice Of Dual Cab Says About You

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?