Ford Ranger (Raptor) – you’re a purebred dual cab animal. A real vehicular boogeyman who is as comfortable giving mechanical rectal exams on the Freeway as you are parking across 3 bays at bunnings because if anyone says anything you’re just as likely to swing hooks without thinking much about it. More on the Raptor life HERE.
Ford Ranger (Wildtrak) – you are still comfortable being associated with Rangers but not Raptors. You want the world to know you are a proud Ranger driver but instead of terrorising Bunnings’ car parks, you terrorise dirt tracks and regional beaches. You never get used to the fact the public doesn’t see you as any different. Some may say you’re so deep in denial you’re fending off Egyptian fishermen.
Mazda BT-50 – Formerly, it was when you wanted a Ranger without wanting to be known as a Ranger driver and to be fair, no one can really blame you for that. These days it’s when you’re happy with a D-Max but would prefer Mazda’s customer car. You are unconcerned with your moot-to-soot ratio and probably won’t be found lodged in anyone’s living room wall.
Holden Colorado – you are like the missing link. That beautiful bit of evidence of the bogan evolution from Commodore utes to dual cab obsession. Not only are you worthy of scientific study, you are also holding onto a true collector’s item. No matter how many uninterested buyers tell you differently.
Isuzu D-Max – formerly, and much like the BT-50 driver you wanted a Holden Colorado without the stigma of the Holden brand. After all, a generation of aggressive, speed dealers wearing louts has tarnished Holden’s once iconic name. You’re not a fancy kinda person but like to get the job done. A real Hogs Breath surf & turf kinda guy. These days you just thought a Mazda badge on the same car would make it look wussier.
Mitsubishi Triton – you’re probably a plumber coming in hot after a 2pm tools down to your nearest back bar to go troppo at the TAB scenes without even the courtesy of washing your hands after a busy day in the shitpipes.
Toyota Hilux – you’ve crowned yourself the king of the road and are in a constant battle to establish who is the apex predator between yourself and the Ranger population. Will that mean you’ll cut a poor old granny off on Tonkin Highway to prove a point? Yes. But haven’t you seen the ad? Driving a Hilux is a bonafide profession. More on the Hilux HERE.
Toyota 70 series – you’re a salesman’s wet dream. Given the lack of fresh 70 series meat entering the market, you probably sold your child’s kidney to acquire this workhorse. Alternatively, you’ve hung onto one for a while and are currently trying to acquire some poor sucker’s kid’s kidney on Marketplace. About $110K should suffice. More on the 70 HERE.
Nissan Navara – you don’t like to get your hands dirty. You like the look of the dual cab life but you’re not going to be the one recovering any vehicles or putting many tools in your tray. You’re not winning any awards but that’s cool you don’t need ‘em. You just need to be seen reverse parking at Dan Murphys every weekend. That’ll do it.
Mercedes X-Class – you wanted a Navara but were too proud to drive a “tradie” car. You’re probably some kind of property developer who wants the pleb tradies working under him to know that you’re just like them. Except better. You’ve got the big fkn balls – despite everyone knowing that you’re just driving a rebadged Navara. More on the X-Class HERE.
VW Amarok – you get a little bit hard repeating the name of your car. You spend your day convincing yourself that you are the hardest thing out on the road despite driving a VW. A car company famous for the Beetle and uh… you know what. Nevertheless, you rub one out while towing a light tinnie just like every other weekend warrior dual cab owner.
Electric dual cab – although just on the horizon at the minute, you are a fascinating case study. You stand against everything the opposing vehicular tribes stand against. A dual cab owner being unconcerned with diesel grunt? An EV owner being unconcerned with looking like they are in the Jetsons? You beautiful anomoly. More on these bad boys HERE.
Great Wall – guess someone had to buy one and that’s you. How’s it feel? Less said about your purchase the better, I’m sure you can agree.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
