EXPOSÉ: WA doctors admit whispering to every newborn that if they ever let another car merge they’ll never get to their destination

Explosive confessions are rolling in from WA’s doctor & nursing community. With many admitting that they played their part in fostering a mergephobic culture amongst WA drivers.

We spoke to a obstetrician who said the practice was as normal as checking the baby’s vital signs. Adding,

“It’s who we are. It’s ingrained in all of us. I fight the urge to whisper the sweet nothings in their little infant ears but I can’t stop myself they must be told”

Similarly, a midwife said that busy doctors often asked them to take over the responsibility in throughout various stages of the birth.

Speaking in confidence, a midwife with over 20 years of experience said she delivered the sacred words countless times. Adding,

“The mother is in so much pain and typically the father is just doing his best not to be sick in the corner. So no one notices. Frankly, we don’t even have to whisper it but that’s what the doctor prescribed – a therapeutic dose of WA reality”

Naturally, the inquisitive minds at The Times weren’t so sure the scandal stopped with the medical profession. Surely there had to be some higher power maintaining this status quo.

Repeated FOI requests for WA Government documents were denied but we were able to get a whistleblower to speak under the promise of anonymity. Cojer Rook told The Times,

“The Westralian people are wild and if they ever actually learned to work together in a type of harmony then it could be very difficult for those charged with governing them! It really helps us when the people exist in a cesspit of pointless lack of cooperation towards a common goal”

So there you go. Perhaps the mystery of why Perth drivers are so bad are merging has finally been solved.

However, something tells us there is more to this story than meets the eye. Stay tuned for updates.

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