The first thing once notices about your pair of Versaces is that they are oversized. Unlike your shrivelled peen that has finally withered under the relentless barrage of steroid cycles.

Typically, the wearer of these bad boys wants people to think he’s a self-made “entrepreneur” that has strong links with bikies and is currently balling. Alas, the wearer may be shocked to find out that this isn’t how the public views them.

To the contrary, these give off a far more Ascot general admission kinda vibe; a Magistrate Court appearance for possession quantity of rock kind of vibe; a staunched a street vendor in Kuta and only paid $5 for them kinda vibe.

Similarly, the closest most wearers will ever get to a 1% club is a Sons of Anarchy cast meet and greet. Who would’ve thought a pair of sunnies wasn’t enough to prove yourself in this world? Not you, that’s for sure. 

Nevertheless, perceived success is what covers the eyes of the beholder. Once adorned in the gaudiest Italian style one typically gravitates towards some other key items in their bad boy arsenal.

Nikon gold watches, “Louis Vuitton” man bags and thick gold plated chains complete the look. Combine these items with whatever haircut Dustin Martin has on the day and you are ready to blow every dollar you make on tribal tatts.

By now you are not just a man but a beacon. A beacon that attracts your queen. One does not simply wear Versaces and not have an intense attraction to fun-bag enhanced, car magazine models who are adamant that no one knows their story.

Despite constantly getting into ugly public spats, you post stomach-turning Instagram pics declaring your undying love for your ride or die. You also tend to marry and knock up your queen within 3 months of meeting her. What can you say, those sunnies just scream father material. 

Odds are you’ll wear your beloved Versaces every day until someone who looks exactly like you knocks them offer your face in a UFC related glassing. 

Just the way nature intended it.