BREAKING: Jetstar Flight Arrives With No Onboard Incidents Whatsoever

In what is being heralded as a world first, a Jetstar flight commuted between two destinations without an incident that needed to be reported in the local rags. 

From check-in to check-out, the flight somehow managed to go off without a hitch. This has left experts baffled, confused, and a bit horny. One such expert told The Times,

“This could be the dawning of a new era. An era where Jetstar and its customers can behave like normal fkn people and get an interstate journey done in a state of harmony. Imagine that? Multiple people acting in unison towards a shared goal”

An even more confused passenger said he was livid the flight went to flawlessly, telling The Times,

“Why do you think I fly with Jetstar? I have a deep-seated desire to punch on or get delayed or whatever. No incidents at all? I’ll be demanding my money back!”

A spokesperson for Jetstar told The Times,

“Frankly, we are disgusted this flight today landed without incident. We pride ourselves on a level of dogshit service and clearly, that standard wasn’t met. If a board member had been on board, as it were, we would’ve paid the drunkest bogan to have a wank or something. Unacceptable and we apologise to all our shareholders”

The news comes off the back of a passenger being tasered on a Melbourne to Perth flight after an entire plane load of adults wasn’t able to reach a civil solution to the situation. 

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