The hard-drinking, hard-fighting kangaroo locals have not reacted to The Department of Biodiversity, Conservations, and Attractions’ decision to not renew their watering hole’s lease poorly – to say the least.
While not being able to communicate in English it is clear from the expressions on the unruly mob’s faces that their tavern isn’t going anywhere on their watch.
We spoke to a source close to the mob who told The Times,
“If you think the emus put up a good fight in 1932 then you haven’t seen anything yet. I would suggest any would-be developer exercise extreme caution if they stand between the mob and their favourite tav. Kangaroos can fark you up man”
We understand that the mob has already sent word up north to enlist the help of some truly frightening specimens. The source continued,
“Some people think roos are all about joeys, cute pouches, and skippy. Wait until they see the roided up freakshows that stand over 6 feet and can headlock the living shit out of you and your dog. I wouldn’t mess with em”
Indeed, anyone who has seen the John Forrest roos get a little rowdy after a few too many shandies will know they aren’t to be trifled with.
They aren’t like that blowhard in a Tapout shirt at Carbon Bar who says he can fight anyone. These guys are the real deal and regularly treat the public to a demonstration of their left, right, goodnight prowess.
To add insult to injury, the roos are allegedly livid that their favourite pub is going to be replaced by food trucks of all things.
It’s bad enough they deal with Insta-models getting a few pictures of a real slice of Australia, now they will have to deal with greasy hipsters tracking down the perfect smash burger or whatever is trending at the time.
There is still a chance DBCA will reverse their decision and keep the iconic pub but in the interim, peace negotiations are ongoing with the mob of roos to prevent a great reckoning when the demolition teams move in.
Good luck with that. Kangaroos don’t forget and they don’t forgive.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?