Home BREAKING NEWS Man Who Gets ASX Tips From Facebook Profiles With Lamborghini Cover Photos Not...

Man Who Gets ASX Tips From Facebook Profiles With Lamborghini Cover Photos Not Sure Where It All Went Wrong

West Leedy man, Ben, had to deal with the harsh realisation today that he pissed away almost all of his early accessed superannuation on stocks he got from random flogs online. 

Frequenting Reddit, HotCopper and Facebook, Ben would be easily swayed by the pump & dump up-rampers that convinced him the stocks were a sure thing. 

However, a series of poorly thought-out investments has left Ben significantly in the red. So much so, he can barely bring himself to open up his IG trading account. 

Ben was angrily nursing a glass of scotch – which he adopted as part of his delusional wolf of the ASX image when he made 15% on a day’s play. He told The Times,

“I did everything right. I didn’t waste my time learning fundamental analysis. All those graphs may as well be tea leaves I was told. I also didn’t waste my time reading through company announcements. A good trader trades on feel, you see”

True to his word, Ben didn’t undertake a single second of education to help him navigate the tumultuous waters of pleb-trading. 

On one occasion, he put $2500 into a little company that was looking to mine a mineral that he hadn’t heard of and knew nothing about what the shit could possibly be used for. We asked Ben why he did this,

“Some guy with a bull avatar told everyone that he had a source close to the CTO and said mining approval was a foregone conclusion. He even posted a photo of the boat he bought through good trades. Man, I think he got it off page 1 of Google. Why did I listen to that guy?”

In another ill-thought-out trade, Ben punted on a tip he got from some ASX Facebook group after a random poster wrote an essay about the company going through consolidation and being primed to spring hard. Ben told The Times,

“I broke my one rule – never pay attention to FA but this guy posted a graph and he was using all the right words. Fibonacci this and candlestick that. I really trusted that anonymous Facebook stranger. That play cost me $3k alone”

Now, Ben is completely disillusioned with the ASX and hopes to claw back the super he took out by investing in meme coins in the crypto space. 

Ben told The Times,

“All these guys on Twitter are awesome. So helpful. They all have NFT profile pics and model girlfriends. All I have to say is Ape Together Strong and forget about my super, wen lambo?”

There is no helping some people. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

$