35-year-old project engineer Rob is facing industry-wide ridicule after failing to secure a seat in a corporate box for the Wallabies v England clash at Perth Stadium tonight.
See, Rugby Union games are a chance for corporate miners to rub shoulders and exchange polishing tips for RM William boots. All of this is done, in the exclusive boxes so missing out on a seat in one is as bad as it gets.
Rob was close to tears as he began getting ready to attend the game with a general admission ticket. He told The Times,
“I’m not even worthy to don the Chinos man. I think I need to disguise myself a bit. If some of the BHP boys see me mixing with the great unwashed they’ll probably unfriend me on Linkedin”
Rob’s fears were confirmed by a senior project engineer who said he’d rather be caught organising a dog fighting ring than admit he went to the Wallabies game without a ticket to a box. Adding,
“Look, Rob’s a good boy but he always ducks off early at after-work drinks and frankly, you do that and people will start to think you’re a giant nerd. We can’t trust him to act like an entitled, cashed-up dicksplash in the box with us”
Rob is giving serious thought to trying to infiltrate a box at halftime. However, fears he’ll still have the stink of general admission peasantry on him and he’ll be sniffed out in a second.
“I’ve essentially been demoted to the level of our English coworkers. None of them got an invite either. These are the kinds of things that one’s career doesn’t bounce back from man”
This is sadly a repeat of the last time the Wallabies came to Perth when Rob also failed to secure a ticket to a box. At the time he blamed it on his comparative juniority. He recounted his experience,
“I saw some of the guys I work with, there were pissed on full-strength beer and trying to impress a waitress with the size of their puffer jackets. I walked up to say hi and they pretended not to know me. Max even threw some loose change at me”
Bad luck Rob, hope you don’t get spotted paying for your own drinks tonight.
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