Qantas Lounge to Ban Low-Visibility Clothing for Comfort of Valued Members

Qantas has made the bold decision to enforce a Hi-Vis dress code for all guests wishing to use the Qantas Lounge in Terminal 4, stating,

“We’ve had some complaints from our valued customers that they don’t feel comfortable sitting next to people in clean suits & leather document holders. Often reeking of never having done a hard day’s work in their life”

The decision comes on the back of the business types being generally outnumbered in the lounge by our HI-Vis heroes on their way to dominate a mine site.

We spoke to a local businessman who still flies up North in a non-mining industry capacity. He is often seen wearing a suit on his flights. He told The Bell Tower Times,

“Look, I get it. I can tell my mere presence pisses off half the guests in the Qantas Lounge these days. It almost came to a head last time when I asked some hairy beast of a man if I could squeeze past him to get to coffee”

Look visibility distressed he continued,

“Firstly, he didn’t move. Then his eyes fixated on my moussed-up quiff and then locked onto my tie. He looked like he wanted to bite my face and just said ‘TIE’ before scratching himself and proclaiming he needed to chuck a shit, was an unsettling experience”

We understand that following the confrontation the underground miner lodged a formal complaint with management about a member “who thought he was hot-shit” failing to meet the standards of dress that he expects in the lounge. 

As of Friday, any member wishing to use the Qantas Lounge will be required to be draped in at least one article of Hi-Vis clothing and footwear that doesn’t make you look like you “push a pencil around for a living”.

We understand a project engineer for a big resource company couldn’t be happier about the new dress code. With his mother telling us that he could now live out his blue-collar fantasy without being sneered at by his subordinates.

The proud as punch mother told us, 

“Oh, he looks so handsome in his brand-spankin’ high visibility vest and those boots, very manly is my boy! He’s currently not speaking to me after I had his vest dry cleaned. He said it’d taken him days up North to get that little red patch of dust and his credibility depended on it”

If you want to dress like a corporate tool, you are free to use the normal airport facilities like every other pleb. 

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