Tiffeaknee yells out to Donothan, “babe they need staunchcunts for the new Mortal Kombat movie”. Donothan has been waiting for this moment. To prepare for his audition video he spends the morning blowing ice like he was giving Sub Zero oral relief. He is ready, his lungs are toastie!

He asks Tiffeaknee to film him as shadow boxes in his favourite pair of Muay Thai shorts. It’s like watching Milo Kerrigan fight off a swarm of mosquitos. It’s dangerous. It’s scary. It’s very Jax… probably. 

Tiffeaknee feels the urge to breed again as she watches her man do his thing – the undisputed champion of Midland traino; 10-0 against unsuspecting commuters. This is what made her fall in love with him. You always nail a flawless victory if they aren’t watching. 

She lays on her mum’s futon in her best Playboy-underwear and yells out to her lover to come over and FINISH HER. You may as well call her scorpion because she’s going to get him over there and he’s probably going to feel a stinging sensation after it’s all done.

With his sack empty he can finally focus. He sets up a stolen camcorder in his shed and prepares to put on a clinic for the casting team. He starts with some OOS OOS. Not just normal OOS, hood OOS. He’s seen several episodes of Spanian’s Youtube and has upgraded his OOS game. 

He starts smashing his boxing bag like they were Nick Cage’s sunnies in Goro’s cage. God that week in Thailand is paying off. He’s a weapon. He decides to show some leg work. He lands a few simple kicks but he knows they need to see the roundhouse – the UFC pay-per-view of dominant limb based assaults. 

He steadies himself and launches towards the bag. Alas, his inebriation has once again bested his skill and he goes ploughing into his tripod – destroying the camcorder. Like a sane individual he takes out his anger on the shed door and leaves his fists looking like smashed crabs. 

He hollers for Tiffeaknee, “babe, it’s happened again!” She knows the drill, trip to the emergency department while Donothan figures out how to razzle dazzle the producers with footage from his 6 year old stolen Samsung. 

Flawless victory.

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