Mr Anti Pill Testing

John growls at life like a less charming version of Mark Latham, which in the charm stakes, is setting the bar so low it could be used at the seven dwarf’s limbo party. 

See, John is aware of two fundamental truths. First, his meagre contribution to income tax affords him the right to dictate all government spending; and secondly, pill-popping millennials are a scourge on society.

It’s simple, pill testing is leftist claptrap, and if kids don’t want to turn their organs into Shanghai hot pot, then they should get off the gurn-burner.

He isn’t budging on this, and if it takes a few more dead kids to affirm his outdated view, then so be it. It’s a price he is willing to pay. After all, you have to crack a few druggo-eggs to make a tax-payer omelette. 

Of course, men of his generation didn’t overdose. They just necked piss like a dehydrated Bear Grylls and are currently clogging up Australia’s health system like Cirrhotic shitbags that won’t flush – the way nature intended it, cob.

John scrolls through Facebook and reads something positively pornographic – WA has no intention of introducing pill-testing at festivals! He sprouts a mighty boomer-stiffy and prepares to shoot a load of reality in the face of any druggo complaining,

“Finally… McCOWARD doen something write!!… any govornmnet bowing to lefty pill testing CRAP is weak!!! Why would we use tax dollars ENCOURAGE drugs!? Few less esctascy smokers on the streets BOOHOO, oh how will society recover lol do the crime do the time sooky lalas..”

The sweet, empathetic ramblings of a man who doesn’t understand yet still wants to be heard. A druggo decides to challenge his “point”,

“Young kids are going to take drugs anyway, it isn’t about encouraging drug taking, it’s about reducing harm, which in turn would reduce government expenditure on emergency services. A pill test costs a lot less than a trip to E.R mate.”

Uh-oh, the red cape of logic has been waved, and John had fantasised about goring this snowflake 5 times before he even finished reading the comment.

He needs several beers just to calm down and responds with some generic bullshit about millennials expecting handouts. You just got bare-arse spanked, boy. 

Of course, he doesn’t give it a proper response because frankly, he is a few melons short of a fruit platter and he struggles with the complexities of common sense.

Recent study on the issue: