Ms Galleria Shopping Centre

Mira wakes up agitated. It turns out her 25-year-old boyfriend is like the pied piper of girls who think loitering at Galleria is a better use of their time than the rigours of education. She heard Kayla asked him to take her on a Maccas run last Thursday night.

Mira decides to go full Morley on the situation and posts on Kayla’s timeline, “youse seriously better keep away from Dino, or my brother Fairas will cut you”.

Think he won’t? Fairas is a ice dealing, Everlast wearing, mono-browed menace to society that spends his days driving around Morley in a Nissan 180sx looking pissed off. He’ll cut you more times than the gear he sells.

Having just flushed one turd down the staunch pipeline, Mira turns her focus to the whole septic tank: her dropkick boyfriend. She calls him and demands to know where he is. Despite the obvious sounds of a bus-station in the background, he tries his luck with a bit of a fib, “just at home, baby”.

Why did he try on such a shit lie? Well, it could be to do with the fact he’s spent the morning getting higher than Waleed’s horse but in reality, he’s just not that bright.

Mira can’t believe he lied to her. She can’t possibly go to school while she’s this upset so she decides to head down to Galleria and catch her unfaithful boyfriend redhanded trying to show some other teenage truants his big, hard trolley pole. Classic Dino.

Mira hops on the public chariot of the delinquent and arrives at Galleria a short time later. She decides her confrontation needs a little drama and she runs in and grabs a large Maccas coke to throw over her cheating lover.

She has to be careful as she is technically banned from the centre for shoplifting and subsequently accusing the security guard who nabbed her of being a dirty paedo. 18 times. At the top of her lungs.

Armed with a soft drink she finds Dino at the bus port. He is engaged in a heated argument with a bus driver. It turns out, the bus driver kicked him off the bus for tagging the back window with a permanent marker.

The situation is getting undoubtedly tense and Dino’s underage mates crowd around the door menacingly and articulate their intent, “we will fark youse up, ay”.

The bus driver is itching to choke Dino with his bare hands; there is one thing being a little punk doesn’t prepare you for: the inner rage of a bus driver backed into a corner.

Mira remembers why she fell in love with Dino and can’t stand to see her dreamboat disrespected. She ups the charm and spits on the bus windscreen. “Take that youse stupid clown”. She did it for Dino.

The ticking time bomb that is the bus driver’s impending mental breakdown is seconds away from exploding all over Mira’s over-foundation’d face. He utilises the breathing exercises he was forced to learn after the last time he throttled a minor at the Galleria bus port.

He calmly drives away, while angrily daydreaming about the joy of the chokehold: his sweet release: his forbidden pleasure.

Dino turns to Mia, “you are my ride or die, babe’. Mira gets lost in his red, glazed eyes, “I love you, Dino, will you come to my year 12 ball?” He smiles, “let’s see someone try and stop me, my queen”. Well, you’re 25 mate, someone probably will.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?