Ever since humans figured out how to store N02 in a convenient canister they have enjoyed briefly depriving their brain of oxygen for a short-lived trip to nang town.
This asphyxiation sensation is usually delivered into a balloon via a cream charger that was almost certainly stolen from the pantry of a grandparent’s kitchen. If you’re lucky enough to be a dentist, you’d just hit it straight from the tank. Probably the only logical reason someone would want to be a dentist.
To a naive observer, one might look at the gurning teen buying 20 boxes from a late-night convenience store and think they have a serious urge to bake some creamy patisseries at 2am. A common sight at the historic Hungry Spot (vale).
Given Perth’s insatiable lust for a few nangacinos, N02 canister delivery services have sprung up all over Perth like a fungal infection at a foot fetish party. It’s never been easier to party like a pleb.
Every morning, a boomer from a nice suburb will discover the horrific sight of a car park or picnic bench covered in discarded canisters. Like a nangomatic assault rifle had done a drive-by and sprayed a car full of P-platers listening to phat wubz.
Of course, after finding the remnants of last nights gang party, said boomers lose their shit and object to skate parks and playgrounds because they fear these punks will turn their leafy burbs into little Armadale. They believe nangs are a gateway drug to lower property values.
In turn, the media panders to ageing readership and puts out a yearly panic piece about the rise of the nang epidemic. Kids are out of control and eroding the moral fabric of their community one balloon at a time.
Ironically, the parents of the journalists probably did them when they were growing up. Hell, some of them may have even been conceived after a euphoric honk on the giggly balloon.
Seeing as young’ns can purchase super-pingaz from Amsterdam and have them up their bungus within a week, nangs probably aren’t the biggest fish to fry in the saucepan of public outrage.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?