“Optus Stadium” to be renamed Durex Stadium in honour of something that can stop an unwanted kid getting in

It seems the multi-billion dollar company was no match for what is thought to be a pack of kids operating out of their family computer room. So it would only be fitting to name the stadium over something that is proven effective over unwanted children: frangers. 

Accordingly, Durex has made a play for the naming rights offering far more than Optus can afford right now. A spokesperson for the company told The Times,

“You don’t want a kid all up in your shit? Slap one of these on your stiffy then mate. It’ll work as long as you haven’t used that one from 1999 stuffed in the baggie compartment of your wallet. What better way to regain public trust?”

The company also alleges that its fantastic range of lube will be useful for West Coast fans who feel they have been going in dry watching their beloved team fall from its lofty heights this year. 

It is also believed that Crazy John’s is considering a bid after feeling vindicated, “and WA people thought calling a stadium Crazy John’s would be embarrassing”

RELATED: Optus blames copy of Limewire downloaded to head office computer in 2006 for data breach

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